NO TITLE TODAY

Am getting angry all the time now and pissed off too. It's almost like i don't just want to know what is up around me anymore. You see, asides from the monthly pay check that comes in which is the only thing that makes it feel like i am an adult, nothing much is different. I don't think i have increased freedom at home, I got a query from my dad yesterday for wanting to go see a friend in broad day light. Imagine that! I am MISERABLE.

My misery makes me feel a vindictive need to make everyone's life just so; just like mine. I am selfish, yes i know. That's no news. You can ask my friend Ada, she'll tell u all about it. She never lets a day pass without telling me how thoroughly annoying i am.

Then there's the added fact that i feel like crap because everyone around me seems to either be getting married or planing to. It's not funny anymore. I mean, C'mon! Come on!! Where do friends from yester years get off being all grown up and getting married and having kids. Geez! Having kids. There are days when i hear news and it's not like am not happy for the chic, just that i feel an intense need to pull my hair out as i paste the fake smile on and say to my inner most self, "Why not me!" Just to have something going on for once.

Relationships have lost its charm. It's almost like psychobabble when some guy is trying to chat me up. Wake up already! People are getting married and you are wanting a relationship? Why the heck would i want that? Yeah, I said that. I mean, I've been there already right? So it's either i like you or i don't. No need for the hypocritical "lets-get-to-know-each-other" when he knows all he wants to do is get laid. I mean like seriously, let's be honest here.

At my stage, I shouldn't be looking for some sweet drawn out romance like way back in college. I should be looking at the bigger picture. You meet someone, you either like him enough to marry him or you don't. It's as simple as that. If it's more complex than i have already stated, then please enlighten me.

My 20's hasn't been all i hoped and dreamed it would be, i am seriously tempted to think it's worse than my teen years. Everything is so slow and achievements come in very limited and stingy bouts. I used to think that my 20's would be my "OH! so wow days!". Guess what? I was wrong,it's not, and i am so freaking disappointed. Freakingly so!!! I am mad, it's not fun, I am mad I'm still staying at home, I am mad all my friends live in various parts of the world and we hardly get together for a thing as simple as a drink. I am Mad! Mad! Mad!!! 

I guess the only swell thing about my life right now is that i shop when i want to and don't need to go a borrowing for it thank God. Asides that, my 20's have been a serious annoying bummer thus far. Asides from a few things i can tick off on one hand, nothing else has gone the way i want.

Let's just hope my luck changes soon, else i am going to drown you with my whinings and groanings. Oh! How i hate whiners! Does that mean i am going to hate me soon?

Life is so simple. Why the heck do people look for ways to complicate it every single time? Why am i getting probabilities instead of certainties? Why does it feel like i'm not that fly anymore? Why are there so many question marks around me right now. I need more of answers today, more of them, no more why's.

Thank God this day is over. This is officially that Monday when i wake up and just wish it wasn't a Monday and at the end of the day, i wish my wish came true...

  

Ashamed

As ashamed as i am to say this, truth is, i lost my inspiration. Hmm... There it is, out in the open. I finally said it and i didn't gag on it or drop dead. I actually feel better saying it or in this case, writing it. So let me do it again, "I lost my inspiration!!!" But do take note that the prior statement is in the past. At least i think so.

Since the last time i put pen to paper, a lot has happened. A lot that i have failed to put down, and so the moment was lost. I owe no apologies to anyone but to myself so i guess i can just give myself a pat on the back and go on like it was no big deal after all, like the ideas are still lying dormant somewhere and would be recovered. I don't know about that but we would see as the minutes rolls into hours and the hours gradually culminate in a whole day.

The weeks gone by have been fun. Yeah, it has been filled with various types of up and down moments but thankfully, i have remained on top. One thing i noticed during my time out however is that it seems like am having difficulty retaining as much as i used to way back when, i hope that won't go on for much longer though as i still have loads to achieve with this good head on my shoulders.lol.

I might not have that much to write today but, any writing is better than no writing at all. Someone said that, i just cant remember who.