HAPPY 2017

I haven't raved once about this new year. I don't usually rave about a new year though but i at least acknowledge that it is here. I did that for 2015 and 2016. I had a lot of goals in 2016 and  i am pleased to say i met about 70% of those goals. That's definitely a win. So this year, i am going to list on here the things i plan to do more of and less off and maybe embark on.

I plan to:

• Read More
• Write more
• Go to church more
• Listen to my intuition more
• Go to church
• Complete my educational programme

Blah Blah Blah...Don't we all do this every year. We talk and talk and talk about the abstract new year aspirations and by February 14th of that year, we've already forgotten all about the new year festivities and are now busy with our lives and just trudging on.

Last year i did achieve a lot and so this year i decided that with the exception of a few specific goals i would just trudge on and simply "Be better". That's it. That's all the plan i have for 2017. To be better. That and few other specific aspirations, but all in all, the end game is to be better at it all, at life in general. 

I hope this works out for me and mine and you as well. I hope that we find that inner will to move on with life as it is served us and have the inner strength to change the course of our life when we do not like the turn it has suddenly taken.I hope the wind does not adjust our sails to unknown directions and even when it does, i hope we have the sense of direction to know how to go back to where we want to be.

I have always been a fantastic guesser. I could win a guess on something i have absolutely no idea about but this 2017 completely eludes me and that is why its been all mixed feelings for me. I do not know what the future holds. I cannot predict its deck of cards, i just can't seem to see past the screen before my eyes. I hope i find clarity sometime in the course of the year.

One thing i know i won't put off anymore however is writing. I'm here to stay in this space and i might as well make my brains relevant this 2017.

2017, here i am. Let's do this!

Cheers.

MY BLOG IS ANGRY AT ME

This is me heaving a sigh of relief before i close this site and it takes a life of it's own and refuse to come on for another 1 year. I guess my blog is angry at me.

I haven't written jack in so long and though i have tried to re log on time and time again it has just always thrown me out.

Today, I brought in the cavalry in form of  IT. Deola is our very rounded IT personnel in my office. She will wow you with the way she remotely controls your system from wherever and sort you out in 5 to 10 mins. She will however mostly tell you to restart my system when she's done. That part, i do not like. Deola! Take note.

Anyway, Deola spent close to an hour on my system today and yet, no progress. So I abandoned all my work for the past three hours and made this my sweet Blog my priority, that was of course after Deola had given up and called my blog 'witchcraft'. All because her IT skills couldn't find a way to crack it.

Anyway, i went to work on it. There were times when i had to force myself to read the codes and alogrithm yadayadayada it brought up which was the most tasking of all BUT i did not despair.

When i eventually felt that i had checked off on some helpful buttons, i, like Deola thought me so many times, logged out from anywhere i was signed on, and restarted my blogger afresh and TA-DAAA!! It opened up for me like a warm hug.

So here i am again this 2016 and with the exception of it shutting me out again, all i can say is, it gets better.

Cheers guys.

MARRIAGE & ME...

I'm smart. I think so, people have told me so too. I believe them enough to get big headed from the compliments, but i don't. I don't because life has thrown me for a loop too many times just as i was getting comfortable. So i do not get comfortable anymore. I do not sit on my hands and presume that the lulling of the sea means all is well. I stay alert.

Marriage is hard. It's hard work.You think you know you spouse and there's a trigger and this new person emerges and you say to the inner you, "Aha!there! there he is, the you i haven't met". You either cringe or you smirk or you shake it off. Marriage is hard because in addition to everything you intend to achieve and which you have planned out, you have to keep your spouse happy. Anyone who told you that isn't your responsibility lied because if he isn't happy, you most likely won't be. So you work your ass off for his benefit and run two more miles for him too and hope he is easily pleased else you are bummed.When you realise you are bummed is when you see it's not as easy getting out of as relationships, a relationship where there is no legal bind. You walk in and you stroll out if you are done. That's the bummer about marriage, you love him and won't walk out so easily. There are too many things you miss when you guys aren't talking. The banter, the snuggles, the laughs, the gossips, the healthy argument, the love making, the sleep time. You miss all of it and more. And you look at him and sigh and count down to when the ice will be broken and you guys are chummy again.

So what then is love when i won't speak to you even though we live in the same house and share the same bedroom and the same wardrobe and crap in the same toilet bowl. Love is when someone's happiness matters to you as much as your own. It is when we are both unhappy and still not talking, when i won't discuss you with a friend without having that lump in the throat that makes people cry. I am not going to concern myself about the very numerous definitions of love I have seen, this one appeals to me more. If my happiness is not of importance to you, then what are we talking about? So even when your spouse is being a top class jerk and totally getting on your last nerve and acting like your screwed cos' your ass is his now, you chill and you wait it out.

Marriage is hard but it's worth it because i love you even when you are being mule- headed.

IN THIS NEW YEAR...

Compliments of the Season everyone. It's a nice 2015 i think. It's looking up, but that's my own opinion. This year, i have so many things planned. I have so many expectations too and really hope they all pan out. First plan is that i reject anything that has to do with continuous adult education. I have had a divine revelation that it is not for me and it is for this reason that i will deliberately shy away from any program that has 1st and 2nd semester attached to it. 

Then, there is the plan to perfect my driving. I constantly think to myself what would become of me if one day i killed someone while driving...What will become of fragile, gentle, Silky. Hmmm...Thoughts like this have kept me away from the express ways and just within the neighborhood where i can roll my car wheels at my own pace; my snail pace. This ensures that me and everyone who ventures on the road that day is safe, lol.

Then, there is the plan to be more artistic. I met a very talented celebrity palm reader cum art lover towards the end of the year who had beautiful things to say about the markings on my palms. Who knew? The reading left me blushing all day and even till now when i think of it. I have however decided to reveal more of my artistic side with the coming year as my celebrity palm reader friend express sadness at my having lost my artistic self. Not to worry AY (not the AY comedian), I will find it again.

I also have the plan of quitting my job. I feel boldly writing it down will help me come to terms with the decision made by the inner me. I want a better job and when  i say better i don't just mean monetarily though of course money is a huge part of it (my palm reader mentioned i would be rich), I want something more fulfilling. can i make money off analysing music or just reviewing books/ manuscripts written by authors and aspiring writers? How much can i make? Hmm...

I plan to travel more. There is however an oncoming impediment to this plan. The first is that my darling husband might not be game since our schedules hardly ever jive and i can't have enough fun without him. The second is my job, and the third is still pending, let's hope i get to surpass all this though and have a beautiful fun filled year.

I met wonderful people last year, people whose writings left my mouth wide open. I read their work and wished i didn't jump into a Masters programme in Law, I wished i did a Masters programme in English Literature instead. There was Jennifer Emelife and Hymar David, i enjoyed their Flash on Facebook, there was Okwudilichukwu Obu, i got to know his work as i rounded off the year, there was Nnaemeka Ugwu, oh, Nnaemeka, his poetry transcended me, always, there was Chimezie Ogenna Nwodo, this guy can write ehn, still really quite shy with his writings though and there was Sibbyl White and quite a lot of others.Oh, how can I forget Walter Shakespearen Ude,fabulous writer, and very humble about his talent too. His description skill is off the hook. You know his writing by the unbelievable attention he pays to detail. He was also kind enough to find one of my notes on Facebook worthy of publishing on his website (www.mymindsnaps.com) He titled it, 'An Ode of a Star struck Nigerian'. I felt honored. So yes, my year was great. I read stories that had my brain cells tingling on edge, I heard fabulous music, I shed friends and made new friends, I met and married my darling husband (the absolute peak of the year) and called people's bluff and laughed a whole lot more.

Who says Nigerian children are not reading or evolving? My generation sure is and you can see it when they put pen to paper or do we now say fingers to keyboard? lol.

Can this year be better than last, i sure hope so.

How not to cheat on your husband

 Ok ladies, I'm going to write this down very quickly before i call it a night or is it a morning? It's past 12 a.m here. Happy Independence Nigerians.

Uhmm, how not to cheat on your husbands for ladies, umm, well, i say for ladies because well, i haven't started factoring in the men who are marrying themselves and of course referring to themselves as husbands.

Ok ok,before i veer off, back to my topic. Simple rules not to cheat on your husband.

 1.Cut all ties with your ex(s)
 2.Cut all ties with your ex(s)
 3.Avoid new relationships with the guys 
 4.Refer to one and two above.

I'm dead serious ladies. The easiest way to cheat on your spouse is to maintain a funny relationship with your ex. You know the one where you guys want to still keep in touch and remain chummy best friends and all. News flash! Humans have not evolved to that  level of nobility just yet. So don't bother sweating it. 

In  my very short  sojourn in marriage, i am slowly learning that marriage is filled with lots of candies and kolas. Sometimes you get tossed the kolas, other times, the sweet, yummy candies. If you've made the right choice, many times you'll get the candies. But in the times when you are chewing those bitter kolas, keep your ex(s) away from the scene to avoid exacerbating matters.This is to me the golden rule. Yes, women are less prone to cheat in marriage, but still yet we do. And slowly but very certainly we are having bolder men who do not give a flying twig about your good ol' hubby. They want to plunder, they want to plunder, period. Worse off are the very cast off ex(s), who always feel they still have a claim.

Ladies, when you have shoved him off and taken your own sweet vows with your one true love, please allow him to remain in the past. Do not invite him to your wedding, do not name your first child after him (please don't do that), do not call him up, do not attempt to be unusually cordial. Just revert to acquaintance mode, if there's anything like that. For me, there is. You know i read somewhere that a Sagittarius has a life delete button in real life. Well, I am a Sagittarius through and through and I would very much like to affirm to this statement. We do have a life delete button. I'm sure certain people who have been recipients in the past can attest to this.Please structure your own delete button for your ex(s).

I am not recommending a hate spree. Nope, i will never do that. I will not ask that you give your ex the cut when there is a chance meeting, that would be rude. I will however recommend that you act and remain civil. There is no need for that private albeit promised harmless lunch. If you must speak about the weather, do so in public. Nod and smile when ex makes statements that imply he was a fool to let you go. Please do not disagree. That would bring room for further discussion. Just acquiesce and end discussions as fast as possible.

Please do not attempt to get too chummy with some new, nice,helpful, good looking male either. Look at them, appreciate and keep moving. Please do not keep looking at them, else new trouble walks in.

An ex relationship to you is a thin line, danger zone, ticking time bomb,you do not want to walk that lane. Cut him off like a surgeon would a bad leg. Move on from there and keep moving unless of course your intention is to cheat on your husband in which case of course you may have to search for another write up on the web for that topic. I'm sure someone would probably have written on this. 

Umm, having said that, i hope the guys do not ask me for how not cheat on their wives. Because to that question, i would say, i will let you know when i find out.*whistling and walking away*.

Finally,yesterday was my 1 month anniversary with my lovely boo for life.I've been lost a while darling, thank God you found me and thank you for all the many candies. You've been sweet.*blushing now*

Cheers guys and once again, Happy Independence.

My Powerpoint Presentation...

I spend a lot of my time reciting in my head what i want to say to you. I guess i do this cos' i feel that somewhere deep down, i would actually get to say them all. It makes sense to me. I'm thinking to myself, Damn! you can come up with all this?, you should be a writer. You would totally rock. But then again, i can't b a writer just yet, i'm too lazy...

Yeah, the conversations i have with you in my head are too good. In them my points are accurately presented and you are sitting still in between an empty row of seats with the cinema lights on and wondering at this amazing creature and what planet she's from. I guess i'm from Venus, at least that's what that book i once read said. It told me the planet i  am from and i saved it away somewhere in my brain waiting for the day when someone like you would ask or look at me in amazement wondering where i am from. Then i would put on my killer-smart-ass smile and say, "From Venus Baby".*wink*.

Anyways, back to the matter, I do a lot of Power point presentation in my head so that i remember all i want to say before you show up and befuddle me with your presence. Once the presentation is done in my head, then i wait for  you to show up. No, i do not alert you that there would be a presentation, you would end up coming in late and that would mean adding other things to the slides impromptu and then the presentation would not flow easily cos' i didn't rehearse it. 

So, i comport and wait, giving nothing away, until you show up of cos...and then i go, "hi dear. How was your day? What was for lunch? and after all your replies ...silence...silence...." This is the point where you say,"So what's up? How are you?" and then i introduce my presentation with, "I'm not fine..." and then you get the knowing look of "oh my! here we go...again" and that pinched smile and false interest look and i tell you everything you should have done and didn't do and when I'm exhausted, you let me put my head on your leg look up at you with a slightly opened eye and say,"that's what you did. Is it fair?" and then i sleep off, soundly. I will conclude my presentation when i wake up...I intend to conclude...for now, just let me lay here...in you lap, with your hands slightly hovering and the memory of your confused look wondering whether the presentation is over and if stroking my hair will wake me from my temporary break...

FOE OR FRIEND?

Its a cool sad day when you think about friends, then foe, then friends again and you wonder which is which. Where is the distinction? Where do you draw the line between a friend and a colleague? A family member and a friend? What is the extent or limit of what i tell you and what i keep to myself.

Thus is my predicament as this beautiful week draws to an end. In my very short while working in this beautiful city of Lagos, I have come to understand that not all that glitters is gold, literally. I have made friends i wished i could keep and then i wish i never met them. I have also made friends who even though they have stabbed me in the back repeatedly, something about me still keeps loving them and holding them close and believing that the backstabbing aspect of their life is simply their nature coming into play and not just that they set out to hurt me. I do not want to believe that they  would on their own set out to hurt me because then, i would be forced to hurt them back or something close. Maybe i would be forced to give them the biggest cut of their life, lets say totally ignoring them in public when they say hi to me or try to make friendly conversation.

Anyway, Joe told me lately that my friends are different from my colleagues. Joe is a friend, you will get to know him. He advised that i draw a very visible line between both. He was right. The dictionary would define a colleague as a person with whom one works in a profession or business. She could be called a workmate, a teammate, co-worker, associate, partner, colloborator. I must say that it never mentioned my colleague as my friend. Why i have this desperate need to merge both into one and the same is still beyond me.

However, in time, i have learnt that no matter how much you want to call a colleague a friend, she remains that; a colleague; someone who you are in constant corporate competition with, she aims to better than you, to be more favored than you, to earn more than you, to be looked on in better light than you, and believe it, to have a better life than you. A shame if you had though to look upon them as friends but true nonetheless. Maybe in my own little world, this is what i have come upon as a conclusion, mayhaps it is different in other worlds, i couldn't possibly say, given that my experience is only limited to disappointments in the form of colleagues who are rumor mongers, gossip peddlers, back stabbing thingies. It's almost like your misfortune makes their lives a whole lot better and gives their existence more meaning. Sometimes, i don't mind the rumors so much, just when that when they hurt,there is that momentary pause and then you remember, "oh, i forgot, not a friend, just a colleague".

There has been one exception though. Or maybe i'm wrong. I'm still watching, though in utter disbelief still. lol. Maybe this is just that part of me that can't get why both can't be merged into one, still trying hard to lump both together, my colleague that she is and the friend she keeps proving herself to be. Though in fairness to my colleagues, it's hard work to be finally penciled a friend by me.

Has it been different for you? Have your colleagues turned out to be a friend or more than a friend?

Ps: TGIFriiiiiiday!!!A bit below the weather, but still can't wait.

J